This past year has felt like two lifetimes compressed into twelve months, each offering a starkly different vision of what my life could be. As I approach graduation and the final chapter of my undergraduate journey, I feel a mix of excitement and uncertainty as I grapple with the big question of which direction I want to take in life.

The first half of 2024 felt like a dream as I had the privilege to participate in an overseas internship in Paris through my school's NUS Overseas College Program. Living in Paris, I secured my "dream" internship role in a fast-paced startup as an algorithm engineer, working on spatial intelligence solutions. Weekdays were filled with challenging projects and countless opportunities to learn and grow, while weekends were reserved for adventure—traveling across Europe, immersing myself in new cultures, and savoring life's simple pleasures.

It was an experience of balance and freedom. Even during stressful moments at work, the culture prioritized not just productivity but also connection and joy. Weekly after-work events with my colleagues gave me a chance to unwind, bond, and share laughter. This was a stark contrast to the relentless "grind" mindset that I was accustomed to in Singapore. We worked hard, but we also made sure to celebrate life and our efforts together as well.

For the first time in a long while, I felt like I was not just moving through life but truly living it. My solo walks along the streets of Paris, and spontaneous weekend trips across Europe gave me the time and space to reflect, appreciate the little things, and reconnect with myself. Those six months were an incredibly empowering glimpse into what life could be—a harmonious blend of work, play, and self-discovery.

The second half of the year, however, brought me back to a different reality. I was consumed by the relentless grind of coursework, learning new technical skills, and applying for internships. Some might even call it a transition from heaven to hell. Sleep became a luxury, often limited to 3-5 hours a night, as I juggled the demands of academia and the pressure to secure a "promising future". Unlike my time in Paris, weekends were no longer for rejuvenation. Instead, they became an extension of my weekdays, packed with never ending assignments and deadlines.

At times, I felt like a sim in a simulation, moving mechanically from one obligation to the next, losing the agency to step back and truly live life as it should be. There were moments when I questioned whether this was the life I truly wanted for the forseeable future. Was the pursuit of a "promising future" worth sacrificing so much of the present?

I found myself thinking about this a lot during late nights after hours of work. On one hand, there is the shiny idea of success that everyone seems to chase in tech—getting into a big company, climbing the corporate ladder, creating something groundbreaking, or earning a six-figure salary. On the other hand, there is a version of life that feels freer and more fulfilling, where work does not take center stage, and there is time for family, travel, and enjoying life's small moments.

Pouring all my energy and soul into chasing achievements has come with its costs. I have missed a lot of family time, neglected personal moments, and felt drained to the point of wondering if it is all worth it. My time in Paris taught me that life can look different. It reminded me of the joy in slowing down, living in the moment, and creating space for things beyond work.

I have come to realize that perhaps it is not about choosing one path over another, but finding a way to balance both. I still want to achieve meaningful things in the tech space, not solely for the paycheck or prestige, but because it excites me. At the same time, I want to make room for more personal moments that make life worth living.

As I prepare for my final semester, I am learning to embrace uncertainty and take things in stride. What matters most is that I continue to ask myself what truly matters to me and take steps in that direction. To start, I have made the difficult decision to take fewer modules in my final semester, freeing up time to explore and try things that I genuinely want to do.

And to anyone reading this, I pose this question: What is the one thing you cannot lose, even if everything else is taken away? For me, freedom is the one thing I cannot give up. The freedom to live life on my terms and not lose sight of what makes it meaningful. The greatest nightmare would be looking back one day and realizing that I have spent my whole life trying so hard to fit into someone else's narrative of what a "good life" should be.